


Drive Fast, Eat Ass

by CryptidNicholas



Category: Homestuck, Need for Speed (Video Games)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Humanstuck, Illegal Street Racing, M/M, Secret Relationships, Will add tags as I go, but who knows tbh, i don't think there is going to be smut in this fic, i just thought it was funny lol, i know nothing about cars tbh, maybe once the fic is over i'll add an epilogue containing a bunch of ass eating, no promises but maybe lmao, probs gonna have some strong language in here but idk tbh, rival gangs, the title is misleading, there probs won't be any actual eating of ass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23731276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CryptidNicholas/pseuds/CryptidNicholas
Summary: Karkat, Sollux, Terezi, Vriska, and Eridan find themselves in the middle of a rivalry between two street racing gangs, the Egberts vs the Striders.Notes: The storyline of Need for Speed doesn't matter. I was just playing NFS Underground and had the inspiration for this so I tagged it under both fandoms lol.The characters are in their twenties.More characters will show up later and will be added to the tags when they show up or when I am positive that they will show up.Davekat will happen eventually but Idk how long it will take.Would recommend listening the the NFS Underground soundtrack while reading 'cause it makes it seem a little cooler than it is tbh.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jake English/Dirk Strider, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Kudos: 16





	Drive Fast, Eat Ass

“You got this, bro.” Sollux said, his usual lisp present in his words. “And if you don’t got this, we’re fucked.” He added. “Just saying.

“Would you shut up already?!” Karkat groaned as his hands shook against the steering wheel of their incredibly shitty car.

Sollux was sitting in the passenger seat while Eridan, Vriska, and Terezi were in the back and Karkat sat in the driver’s seat.

The five of them had grown up in foster care together and since being shoved out of the foster care system, they had all been living in their car together, which was incredibly uncomfortable.

At the moment, they were lined up with three other cars on the road. The others were revving their engines and blasting their music and Karkat was pretty sure from the beginning that they were going to lose this race.

This was the first time they had ever entered into a race and since it was Karkat’s car, he was driving, though the five of them had bet the car against one-thousand dollars from each of the other racers in order to be entered into the race.

The car on their right was an orange and black Acura NSX with a pretty badass ninja decal on the side and two ninja swords on the hood in an X formation. The windows were tinted and it was impossible to see the driver apart from their silhouette.

The closer car on the left was a lavender Corvette Stingray. It was one of those cars with the paint that changes in different lighting situations and the windows on this car were tinted as well.

The last car on the left was red, though Karkat had no idea what kind of car it was. He thought it might be a Ferrari but he wasn’t sure. The windows were tinted on this car as well.

All Karkat could hear was the thumping of bass in his ears as the car on the right turned up their music and revved their engine.

There was a girl who came out and waved a flag around and the other three cars took off with Karkat a moment behind as he had no idea what the flag’s “go” signal was.

Karkat slammed his foot on the gas and nearly rammed into the back of the red car as the red car swerved in front of him to move around the orange car.

“Go around him!” Eridan exclaimed as he held onto the back of Sollux’s seat.

Karkat ignored him and slid around a curve, nearly hitting the sidewalk but narrowly avoiding it and getting slightly ahead of the lavender car.

“Why did we let Karkat drive?!” Vriska exclaimed as Karkat rammed into a traffic cone that was on the side of the road.

“Shut up and let him concentrate!” Sollux scolded.

Karkat slid in-between the orange and the red car but the lavender car was quickly pulling further and further ahead of them and he knew they weren’t going to win this.

“Maybe if we just lose them and drive away we can still keep the car!” Eridan panicked, with zero confidence in Karkat's driving skills.

“He can do this!” Sollux said.

Karkat waved back and forth from behind the red car, trying to find his opportunity to get around them on the narrow road they were currently on before everyone felt a slam on the back of the car from the orange car colliding with them slightly before pulling back a little.

“Karkat! In twelve seconds there’s going to be a fork in the road!” Terezi exclaimed, using her GPS on her phone. “Take the path on the left! You can cut them off!”

As soon as Karkat saw the fork and veered left along with the red car while the others went right.

The road wasn’t as narrow and Karkat put everything he had into trying to pass the red car, even resorting to nudging the side of the car against it to try and get it to veer off slightly, though it didn’t work.

“Come on!” Vriska exclaimed as they slowly gained speed on the red car and ended up right beside it.

Sollux flipped the red car off as they passed it and Terezi searched her GPS for shortcuts.

“Karkat, I need you to take a right through the park coming up.” Terezi said.

“I can’t cut through a park!” Karkat exclaimed as the red car began gaining speed on him again.

“Just do it!” Terezi exclaimed.

Karkat took a hard right and drifted into the park, slamming onto the walkway and speeding through to the other end and back onto the road.

“Get on that bridge!” Terezi ordered as he came to a fork in the road, and sped onto the path with the bridge.

As Karkat drove Eridan and Sollux began seeing construction signs.

“Terezi!” Eridan shouted. “This is a dead end!”

“Shut up! Keep going!” Terezi ordered.

Karkat realized that the bridge wasn’t finished and looked remarkably similar to the bridge that was near the starting line of the race. He slammed through a construction sign and prepared to fly off the bridge and crash.

“This is going to ruin our car, you crazy bitch!” Sollux exclaimed.

“Just do it!” Terezi screamed as Karkat smashed through the last of the signs and flew off the bridge, landing right in front of the lavender car and hurling through the finish line before crashing into the side of a building.

The airbags smacked Karkat and Sollux in the face and the next thing Karkat saw was the face of a boy in a white and red t-shirt. He was smiling at him and wearing a pair of shades.

“You good?” The boy asked.

Karkat groaned and sat up before looking around. His car was totaled into the side of the building and there was a crowd of people around it as Sollux leaned against it with his head resting on the side of it. Another boy in sunglasses was standing with Sollux and looking over the car. Vriska and Terezi were sitting on the sidewalk with two blonde girls, and Eridan was standing with the flag girl.

“You totaled your car and we thought you were dead for a minute there.” The boy in the red shirt said before extending a hand to him. “I’m Dave.”

Karkat took a moment with his head injury to realize Dave was holding his hand out but after a moment he took it and Dave helped him up before he shook his hand.

“I’m Karkat.” Karkat said.

“Yeah, your friend in the movie theater shades told us your name.” Dave said.

Karkat took in a breath and put his hand on his head.

“Congrats by the way.” Dave said before pulling a folded envelope out of his pocket. “You won the race.” He added as he held out the envelope.

“What’s this?” Karkat asked as he took the envelope from Dave.

“Your winnings.” Dave said. “Three-thousand dollars.” He paused. “You’ll probably need more than that to fix your car though.”

Karkat looked at his car and grimaced. “I’m so fucking stupid.” He huffed. “I shouldn’t have listened to Terezi.”

“Yeah she said it was her idea to jump the bridge.” Dave said. “Impressive though.”

Karkat looked at Dave.

“I called a tow-truck.” Dave said. “It’ll tow your car back to your house.”

“I don’t have a house.” Karkat said.

“Apartment.” Dave said. “Whatever.”

“I live in my car…” Karkat groaned as he rubbed his sore head.

“Oh.” Dave said.

“All of us live in that car.” Karkat sighed.

“Well…” Dave said. “I’ll have it towed to my place. You can hang with me and my bro for a couple of days or something.”

Karkat stood still for a moment. “I think I’m going to sleep now…” He said, nearly falling over before being caught by Dave.

“Uh… Hey Dirk!” Dave called over as he crutched Karkat. “I think this dude needs to go to the hospital.”

Sollux and Dirk looked at each other for a moment before the two of them walked over.

“I’m fine…” Karkat said. “I just need to lay down…” He added as he began to shut his eyes.

Sollux slapped him in the face a little to keep him awake and his eyes fluttered back open.

“Come on.” Dirk said. “You two can ride with me.” He looked at Dave. “Have the others ride with Rose or Roxy and get their car out of here before the cops show up.”

Dave nodded and let Dirk take Karkat before heading over to the others.

* * *

Karkat woke up in the hospital with a bandage around his head.

Sollux was sitting in a chair next to the bed and playing a game on his phone while Vriska and Terezi leaned against the counter and Eridan sat on the doctor’s wheely chair.

Karkat groaned and felt his head and everyone looked over to him.

“Look who’s awake.” Eridan huffed, as moody as ever.

Sollux put his phone away and stood up. “You feeling any better yet, dumbass?” He asked.

“No.” Karkat said. “My head feels like shit.”

“That’s what happens when you jump a fucking bridge and slam into the side of a building…” Eridan scolded.

Sollux dipped into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. “Orange car guy gave me an address.” He said. “We’re supposed to head there as soon as you’re out of the hospital.”

Karkat stared at the note in Sollux’s hands for a moment before looking up at his friend. “Are you guys all okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, we’re fine.” Sollux said. “You took a majority of the blow.”

“My glasses got shattered…” Eridan complained quietly.

“No one cares about your stupid fake hipster glasses, Eridan.” Sollux said without looking at him.

Eridan was silent for a moment before whispering to himself. “I care…”

Sollux rolled his eyes but continued to look at Karkat. “You okay to get out of here?” He asked.

Karkat nodded a little. “I think so.” He said.

Sollux nodded. “Cool.” He said before reaching over to the end table and picking up a bottle of pills. “The doc prescribed you some Vicodin.” He said, handing the bottle from the hospital’s pharmacy to Karkat.

Karkat just nodded and moved to get out of bed while holding the bottle.

* * *

The five of them walked to the address that Dirk had given them. It seemed to be a large auto shop with a secondary garage in the back of the building.

“Are you sure we should even go in there?” Eridan asked nervously. “What we did last night was illegal and whatever these people are into is probably even more illegal.” He paused. “I say we just take the three-thousand and put a downpayment on an apartment or something.”

“Shut up.” Vriska said simply, silencing him.

Eridan let out a huff of irritated breath but stopped complaining and followed the others inside.

In the lobby of the building were a few chairs and a large counter. The flag girl from the previous night was in an employee uniform and standing behind the counter. She was on the phone but seemed to be wrapping up the conversation when Karkat walked over to the counter.

Once she put the phone down, she looked at Karkat and smiled.

“Hello!” She said. “How are you feeling?”

“Uhh… Fine…” Karkat looked at her nametag. “Feferi… I’m here to talk to Dave.” He explained.

Feferi smiled and held up her hand to tell him to wait a moment as she picked the phone back up and held it to her ear once she pressed a couple of buttons.

“Hi Dave!” Feferi said happily into the phone. “Karkat is here to see you!” After a moment, Feferi put the phone back down. “He’ll be right out!” She smiled.

Karkat nodded and took a couple of steps back from the counter while Eridan walked over to the counter to talk to Feferi who seemed to ignore him for the most part while she got some work done.

After about five minutes, Dave walked out in a mechanics uniform and smiled at Karkat. “Hey man.” He said. “How’s your head?” He asked.

“It’s fine.” Karkat said. “I’ve got painkillers.”

Dave nodded. “Cool.” He said. “Come on back.” He added, tilting his head in the direction of the employees only door and leading the five back with him into a garage that was filled with cars.

Dave walked around a few cars and the five followed as they glanced around, seeing Dirk and the two girls from the previous night all working on different cars along with some other people.

Dave led them to the far end of the garage where Karkat’s car was propped up and a girl was working on it.

“Yo, Kanaya.” Dave called, causing the girl to look up from the hood of the car. “This is Karkat, Sollux, Terezi, Vriska, and Eridan.” He introduced them.

Kanaya crossed her arms. “So you’re the ones who decided to breed a BMW with a brick building.” She said.

“Yeah. You can blame Terezi for that one.” Sollux said.

Kanaya just nodded and looked back to the car that she had been working on all night long. “Well your car should be drivable now at least, but it’s going to take me another day to fix the cosmetic damage and repair… Literally everything else… But it is, in fact, drivable... Sort of...” She said.

“Thanks.” Karkat said.

Kanaya nodded and looked at Dave. “I’m going to take a break.” She said before walking over to the other end of the garage.

Dave smiled and looked at his visitors. “That’s Kanaya.” He said. “She’s one of our lead mechanics.” He added. “She’s also my sister’s wife.”

“Cool.” Karkat said. “You guys really don’t have to fix my car though. It’s fine. We can just get out of your hair.”

Dave shrugged. “We were actually hoping you might come work with us actually.” He said.

“I don’t know anything about fixing cars.” Karkat said.

“Nah, we don’t need anymore mechanics.” Dave said. “I more so meant racing.” He added.

“I don’t think I’m really that great in that department either.” Karkat said.

“No but you are.” Dave said. “I’ve been racing for years and I never would have had the balls to take the shortcut you took last night. Seriously. You have serious guts, dude.”

Karkat hesitated and was about to speak when Vriska spoke for him.

“What do you mean by ‘work’ with you?” She asked. “I thought it was every racer for themselves?”

Dave shrugged a little. “Basically anyone who races with us gets free repairs as long as thirty percent of their winnings go to the shop.” He said. “Plus we could probably get you some new cars so you can all race. We might even pay a couple of months rent on an apartment for you guys if you’re in.”

Karkat looked down for a moment as he thought before looking at his friends and then back to Dave. “What are the chances that we could get caught by the police?” He asked.

Dave took in a breath and wrinkled his nose a little before shrugging again. “About fifty-fifty.” He said. “Normally we’re pretty good at evading the pigs though.” He smiled.

Karkat nodded a little and looked back to his friends. “What do you guys think?” He asked.

Sollux shrugged. “Either this or we spend the rest of our small depressing lives living in a car together.” He said. “So I’m in.”

Vriska smiled. “Maybe we’ll get rich.” She said. “I’m in.”

“I’ll go where you guys go.” Terezi said.

“You’re all insane…” Eridan huffed. “But I guess I don’t really have anywhere else to go…” He paused. “So I suppose I’m in…”

Karkat nodded and turned back to Dave. “Okay.” He said. “Sign us up.”

Dave smiled. “Nice.” He said. “I’ll let everyone else know that you’re in.”

“So does that mean I have to give you thirty percent of last night’s winnings?” Karkat asked.

“Nah.” Dave said, putting his hand up. “Keep it. First race bonus. Plus you kind of deserve it for that crazy shit you pulled.” He smiled.


End file.
